Life is Good If You're Moo

I brought you up to speed on Poppy and Luxxx but they aren't the only fourleggeds in my life.  The puppy (Panda aka KungMooPanda aka Moo) has pretty much taken over the place.  If you follow me on Instagram (luvjumperlife) you have probably figured this out.

Yes.  It's a puppy in a parka...

Not spoiled at all

The look on Puff's face sums up her feelings on the puppy.

I swear puppy isn't an only child

There are no words to describe how much I miss Nugget but this little guy has me smitten.  He is learning to ride in the car or truck and be a horse show pup.  It is so important to socialize chihuahuas so the horse shows have been perfect.  He gets played with and handled all day and he eats up every moment of it.

Tomorrow I take Luxxx to the local show. Updates on that soon...

Horse Showing

I know, it's been awhile.  Again.  Since last I blogged I had two weeks of showing Poppy and one show with Luxxx.  

Getting back in the ring with Poppy after 7 months had its up and downs.  Mainly ups but we definitely have things to improve on.  The first week we got some thirds and I think 4th in the classic (I can't really remember).  Trainer said I was chasing her a bit so I wanted to smooth that out.  

Apparently I wore the princess out

Week two started with a bang with a second place. Although in the jump off I left a stride early to an oxer and gave everyone (but me) a heart attack. It was a tight roll back and that's what I saw 😁

Then a bad miss on my part the next day made for an ugly rest of the weekend.  We still ribboned and won some money which is always nice but I was aiming for smoother.  At least the pictures were pretty.

Then baby Luxxx had his turn at our local show organization's non rated one day show. Trainer wanted to ride him so she took the ride.  The jumpers go in the big covered arena so if the light isn't perfect it is impossible to see any video.  He schooled great Friday and was the first class (2'6 jumpers) at 7:30am Saturday.  I should have lunged him before but with horses to care for at home I can only do so much early in the morning.  The craziness of the warm up ring really rattled him and after getting run into head on twice his 5yo brain was like peace out.  Trainer went in the ring with zero warm up so you can imagine how that went.  By the third course he was really good and even got a ribbon.

Look at how professional baby looks!!!

I was happy with him despite the circumstances and he just needs mileage which is what he is getting.  Their last show until fall is this weekend.

I'm still trying to find the balance of work, riding, and social life. I work a lot more that I used to so that makes it hard to keep 2 horses regularly schooled.  And because I am already spread too thin and tend to just continue to take on more I took on yet another horse endeavor.  More on that soon.  How's that for a teaser?

Catch Up

Thank you for all the kind words on Nugget.  I miss her so much but also feel lucky to have had her in my life.  I knew I wanted another chihuahua so I started looking into breeders a few weeks ago thinking I would get another down the road.  Then I spoke to a breeder nearby who had this...

Well that was the end of that and this little bundle of cuteness joined the farm on Easter Sunday.

You know what helps feeling sad?  Puppies and horses.  His official name is Panda.  Kung Moo Panda to be exact.

Life hasn't been all about dogs and puppies.  This year has had its ups and downs and I am still trying to find my way.  The good news is I have realized my divorce was a blessing and the best thing to happen to me.  If I can offer anyone any advice it would be do what makes you happy.  Don't force yourself to deal with a mistake or endure living with a negative [not the best word to describe him as he is far worse] person because you feel trapped.  Sometimes you get so used to that dysfunction that it seems normal.  I finally feel happy again and am working on getting back to my old self.  The self before I met him, before I allowed him to change me.

During this journey I didn't feel like riding. I rode occasionally but nothing like before.  I worked ALOT.  A lot!  And spent time with friends.  Unfortunately some people don't want you to be happy and have to sabotage that.  He continues to try to take that from me and although he can steal from me and take all the material things he will not break me.  Everything he does makes me that much more grateful to be divorced from him.  This journey included removing all ties to him.  I cannot have someone in my life who has violated me, my home, lied, and stolen from me.  I learned that those who could not understand this were not my true friends.  No matter how long I had known them.  Unfortunately the owner of the barn I trained with since 1999 did not want to sever ties with him so I chose to change trainers.  This was incredibly hurtful.  Incredibly.  

Change can be good.  In order to move on some doors need to be closed and change is needed to grow.  I have known my new trainer for quite awhile and she was an easy choice.  I felt we share the same training philosophies and she has also been a fan of Poppy since I got her.  The farm is nearby and has a fantastic ring to lesson in.

I was sad to miss showing at HITS this year.  The reality was divorce is freaking expensive (and the nightmare refinance of the farm) and I was not getting enough riding time in to get Poppy fit again.  My horse comes first and it was not in her best interest to show as out of shape as she was.

I swear she is not about to birth a baby elephant...

Daylight Savings and drier weather has enabled me to ride more.  I am entered in a 2 week series in April.  I am really looking forward to getting back in the show ring.  Thank you for sticking by me through my hiatus and I hope you will join me on this road back to the ring...

It Felt Like Time...

I'm not sure why today felt like the day to break my silence but here I am.  If you follow me on Instagram (luvjumperlife) you may have seen that my beloved Mini Nugget passed yesterday.

I knew this day was coming.  A year ago you may recall she was diagnosed with Cushings.  I started her on Vetoryl and changed her diet.  No more cheezits (my horse show staple food), no more horse show food, no more sneaking off to visit the crepes guys.  

At 12 pounds she was a portly chihuahua.  I don't know how you mothers do it carrying around your kids.  By the end of a horse show day that 12 pounds felt like 50.

The new diet helped and Nugget looked great.  I started to think this whole Cushings thing was no big deal.

She was looking good and feeling good.  Then the accidents starts happening again and her vet said try increasing her meds.  I had pee pads everywhere in the house.  She tried but her aim is terrible.  So I put extra pads out.  Pee pads everywhere!  Eventually she couldn't make it through the night and would wake me up to go out.  Great, I can handle once a night.  Then in the last couple of months it became 3 times a night and she was getting thin.  Ok no more diet, eat whatever you want.  The weight loss didn't stop though no matter what I tried.  She was down to 6 pounds.

The vet said just let her enjoy however long she had left.  She got to where it was hard to get her to eat.  I stopped the kibble and tried soft puppy food and that did the trick.  A wonderful friend even made her a couple weeks worth of fresh food which she gobbled up.  Then the going out 3 times during the night turned into every 45 minutes followed by not eating.  She was still her happy sweet Nugget self.  Still ordering the big dogs around but she looked like a skeleton.  I firmly believe that it is our duty as an animal owner to not allow them to suffer. We are able to gift them with the opportunity to leave this world with dignity and without pain.  This week I felt it was time.  I second guessed myself over and over despite friends telling me it was time.  I am fortunate enough to have a friend who is a vet and knows Nugget well and she was kind enough to help Nugget cross the rainbow bridge yesterday.

The only down side to animals is they don't live long enough.  The house and barn feel empty without her.  My dog Soot wouldn't eat his dinner last night.  Somehow the other dogs know.  

I'm sorry for my first post after my hiatus is a sad one but I also know so many people who lived Nugget.  She traveled thousands of miles with me during her 11 years and never missed a horse show.  If we've been at the same show, you've probably met her.  I often went places and people who I had never seen before would yell Nugget when they saw her.  She changed so many people's minds about chihuahuas and small dogs.  Mini Nugget, you broke the mold girl.

Unbroken

This post has been waiting to be finished since September.  I was going to tell you all about my amazing show with Poppy after a 4 month hiatus.  I was excited.  I had exciting news to share.  Then in typical fashion by my ex was sure to sabotage it.  I won't go into the detail of what he did.  I don't want this post to be about him (he doesn't deserve that). I simply wanted to explain why I have been silent.  It has been a whirlwind and I have learned some valuable lessons.  Most importantly when the going gets rough, you learn who your true friends are... I have also had to change trainers to add to this complete cluster f@#$.  It has taken me awhile to gather myself (again) but no matter what, I will not be broken.  So here goes.  Here is the 2 month old post that you should have been reading back in September...

The last 2 days before the horse show Mother Nature did not cooperate and my riding was rained out.  Normally this would have freaked me out but with all of the other shit going on in my life I just said "whatever."  I was going to the show no matter what.  Whether we jumped .95m or 1.15m, we were going.  I spent the night before packing the trailer.  What normally is something I can do in my sleep I felt rusty at.  I had to go through the list of what I needed (and yes I forgot stuff).  I was also proud of myself for airing up my truck and trailer tires myself and greasing the bearings on the trailer.  I can do this I told myself over and over (just in case I also went online and got a membership to USARider too).

Of course I left late for the show Thursday morning.  When I got there I literally grabbed everything off the trailer as fast as possible and tacked up.  We started in the 1m.  I didn't get to walk the course and learned it standing at the in gate.  Since we were having trouble with liverpools I brought a blue tarp with me to school.  As soon as trainer made the tarp wide and the jump bigger Poppy exited left. Twice.  There would be no third time.  In fact I was driving so hard over that jump I got the end of the whip caught up in my very sentimental diamond horse shoe necklace and I felt it break as we landed.  Heartbroken.  I knew I would never find it in the muddy ring.  As I brought her down to the walk I felt the necklace fall from my neck and I was able to catch it.  That had to be a good omen!

We went into the 1m and the liver pool was an option jump.  Of course we opted for it.  I got her over it and then she refused the next jump.  We finished the course with 4 faults for the refusal and a bunch of time faults.  Next was the 1.10m so I decided to go for it and make her get around.  This time she stopped at the liverpool.  Second try I drove her hard (chair in the air and all) and made it over.

Weeeee!

I then spent the rest of the day contemplating what to do Friday.  Friday was the Finals for my division.  It would be 1.15m and inside the coliseum.  The size of the jumps weren't the issue.  We were both rusty and I needed to ride strong and decisively.  There was a 1.10m class I could use as a practice before the finals so I decided to go for it.

The day of finals my practice class didn't go until late afternoon and there were 80ish trips in the 1.10m.  It was never ending.  This show hosts the Regional Maclay class so all of those riders used the 1.10m class the practice.  The amound of time faults were crazy, hence the never ending class.  I went 60th in the order.  There was no liverpool unfortunately.  It was not my best ride but we jumped every jump and just had one rail. I felt okay to try the finals class.  I knew I was going to have to ride strong and box her up.  Running at the jumps wasn't going to guarantee she would jump, I needed her between me, contact on the reins, and keeping her in that box.  Over, under, or through.  I was first in the order of go.  The children's finals went first so I got to take her back to the barn and watch a couple rounds.  Only 3 went clear in their class so that tells you it was a challenging course.  It was set at 1.15m with some large wide oxers.  Jump #10 was one of those large wide oxers with a liver pool under it.  It had a long approach so plenty of ground space for me to screw up. 
I ate the first jump.  Bad.  This alerted me that I needed pace.  We were not boxy.  I had walked 5 to 6ab in a long 8 so I opted for a whoa 9.  I whoed too much and got there long so she pulled the rail.  She was a little looky and sticky though the one stride on the rail but jumped it.  I rode stong to the liver pool and she jumped it amazing!  We finished with 4 jumping faults and 1 time fault.  I was 1/10 over the time allowed.  I knew we likely wouldn't ribbon with that round but I felt fantastic as we has a good solid ride.  A huge improvement from the previous day!  Trainer felt the same.  After we processed the course she said to stick around and see if I got something.  They annouced the results and I couldn't really hear.  Again I thought I got nothing.  Then someone told me I won.  I was in complete disbelief!  No one had gone clear and I had the least amount of faults!  We won!!!!  Best feeling in the world.  I am pretty sure I texted everyone I knew.  Here are some pictures of the swag.

We did it!

I couldn't stop smiling

Swag: scrim, neck ribbon, regular ribbon, medal, and a belt

close up of awesome belt

And lastly, the video.

The Next Chapter

May 27th was my last post.  It is hard to believe that almost 4 months have passed.  Some days 4 months seems like an eternity and sometimes like yesterday.  I have pondered this post many times and delayed writing because I couldn't really think of how to articulate the turmoil going on in my life.  There are things I don't want to say and have it "out there," especially since my anger is not yet resolved.  I don't have the writing eloquence as so many of the bloggers I follow do so I will just stick with what I know, throwing it out there.

As of July 15th I am officially a divorcee.  I have not been official in changing my name back legally but it is on the list.  The very long list of things to do.  The shit went down April 26th.  April 25th life was "normal" (though I had suspicians and was doing some snooping).  April 26th he picked the fight that led to a week of silence until I finally confronted him.  He was in such a hurry to get out of our 10 year marriage he was willing to walk away from just about everything but most importantly the property.  By the first week in June we filed for divorce and a few days later he took his essentials and left.  6 weeks later it was official.  I don't remember much during that time.  It is all a blur.  I had my house and barn, all 4 dogs, cats, horses, etc but I had lost myself.  During it all I had no interest in riding.  I got on Poppy here and there.  Maybe once a week and poor Luxxx not at all.  Other than my once a week barn help I am taking care of this place on my own.  I mow, weed wack, clean, etc this whole place myself.  Shit has been breaking left and right and you know what?  I've learned to just add it to the list.  I have also learned that I have some amazing people in my life that either come fix it or tell me who to call.  I don't know if I can do this all myself forever but I am damn sure going to give it my best.  I have my house, I have my barn, I have my dogs, I have my horses, and that is what is most important to me right now.  The thought of having to sell the property and figure out what to do with all my animals was a thought I couldn't bear.  They got me through the hardest thing I have dealt with so far.  And mowing helped too.  It is kind of strange how calming mowing can be... and work.  In the midst of all this I received a promotion.  I took on alot more work and was able to bury myself in that and not look up. 

So here I am still trying to figure things out.  What I know since April 26th is that this was a blessing.  No really, it is!  I would rather be alone than unhappy.  I wasn't happy and I didn't deserve many of the things I went through.  At this point I think I am mostly out of the "dark stage."  That is one reason I didn't post.  No one would have wanted to read those thoughts.  Athough I read blogs I rarely commented.  I knew to keep my doom and gloom attitude to myself.  I also know that I am ready to ride again.  I have been trying to get Poppy into shape with the goal of doing an A rated show In September.  The summer monsoon season has really made it hard to ride.  The show is here and my mare is still out of shape but we are going anyway.  I don't care if I bump down 1 or 2 divisions, I am going to go do what I loved and missed the most.  He may have broken my heart but he will not steal my soul.  Send some positive horse show vibes this way because we will certainly need them.  I will keep you posted...

Back to Basics

My dear problem child is being just that.  He is back to Luxifer.  Back to basics we go.  He is making a visit to my cowboy friend M this week.  In the mean time I'm back to ground work.  Luxifer is arrogant and has minimal respect for others.  Although he has come a long way he still has a long way to go.

While we wait to go visit M I decided to do an exercise to build trust with him.  When we started him we worked him in the round pen and doing what is called joining up.  It works best in the round pen but since I don't have one I used the lunge line.  I layed the ground work by grooming him (this always relaxes him) then going to the small paddock and asking him to stand quietly, back up, walk forward, etc.  He briefly pays attention then focuses elsewhere.  It is constant "yo you, pay attention!"  He also loves to tear off at a gallop when we get to the lunge spot. I made him walk to the center and wait until I told him to go.

Now I am by no means an expert at joining up so I simply practiced what M had taught me last year. I let him lunge and kept him forward until he showed signs of wanting to stop.  It took him quite awhile to wear down.  As usual he was distracted and only occasionally turned an ear to me.  When he starts to relax he will put his nose to the ground.  When he did this I turned my back to him.  I made no eye contact and looked down.    Eventually he stopped and walked over to me.  I walked away and he followed.  He was still distracted but this was progress.  A pat on the forehead and we headed to the barn.

We will do this again today.  This horse has to learn respect and trust with me.  I feel completely unattached to him and I am sure this is mutual.  When he misbehaves the bond and trust grow further apart. This perpetuating the bad behavior.

I will try to update our work with M later this week.  This horse remains a challenge but we aren't giving up yet.